Unfriendly Friend

I was talking to a friend I've known for years, since we were young teenagers, about religion. Now neither of us were overtly religious, nor made to go to services, from the time we met; but this person has always had a side she defines as 'spiritual' and recently has explored it more.

According to her, I'm not knowledgeable about religion because I am "a crazy Mormon", even though I never had a personal testimony and was involved with the Catholic church for years, even going to a Catholic school. I've also researched many different faiths, both in school and for leisure.

I think what it often comes down to is that if you are not a True Believer you have no idea about the essence of faith. I see it as (at least to an extent) a social construct, with many political, racial, classist, gendered and heteronomative aspects. It's so easy to say "It's true and right because I believe it" without thinking about how the institution you back affects yourself and others.


There was more that I wanted to say, but wanting to forget the incident, I didn't write anything down or even contemplate about it until a couple days after the fact.

Trans Troubles

This is a good discussion on how transsexuals are treated by the LDS church. It starts off explaining general facets of the church, and relates their beliefs to gendered/sex discrimination (starting about 3:30)

One of the many things that made me hate being a female in church (other then the dresses) was that we would never hold the same power as men... Not saying the Catholic church doesn't have problems embracing feminism, but at least they started to allow girls to help with the sacrament and women hold positions which help with the running of the church (beyond the bake and clothing sale)



Mormons don't really do the sale stuff. I guess they view it as irreverent, but it has the result of creating a lack of community. Sure, there are sometimes firesides after dinner at a members house (= not accessible to everyone) and events throughout the week, but unless you have the ability to go there - hard if you don't live near the church, don't have a car, or have an inflexible or late work schedule - it's difficult to participate.

If you're even slightly deviant - not being a good enough male provider by having a job that gives you the luxury of leaving early for sports night in the cultural hall, with no worries about being laid off, and the money to ensure you reside in a "good" neighbourhood (= by the chapel); not being a proper female homemaker who, should have no job outside the home, has the time to take her children to activities; not being a nice grandparent who can look after the younger ones while their adult children tend to the church duty of preparing food platters in the meetinghouse kitchen - If you don't fall into the highly gendered and classist life script, it will be harder to engage in church life.

Perhaps that's the (implicit) point; the LDS church is made for those that do.

Sex Stupidity

I've been buzy with - well, Life - so this blog, among other things, have gone to the back burner; But something on my mind does have connections to religion, so I can make a (somewhat) poignant post here.

People often think I'm male, especially in certain circles. Often it's because of cultural norms that I don't quite fit into.

In the online world, many people think I'm male. This may stem from the way I write, possibly resulting from what I read - certainly not the Bible! - or what I write about (further contributing to the stereotype that women should focus on "pleasant" and "uplifting" pursuits)

If you go to a ward event you will hear ethnic music from members of the congregation, or where they went on a mission; sometimes country music for an event like a square dance, or maybe an everyday event if you don't live in a city; but it's mostly upbeat, not too fast and not at all offensive pop and rock. Listening to "heavy" music is something generally looked down upon in church. It's especially unexpected for someone who isn't a male to prefer Ozzy to O-Town.

(Ok; this one is a slight stretch, but I wanted to have 3 points) Sexuality is hidden enough with men in church culture, but there's an assumption that women would not "inpurify" themselves with that sort of "sin". The fact that I am open about sex, and engage in non-Mormon-God-sanctioned sex, makes me even less of a "proper" woman.

Ten Weird Things

I decided to keep it related to religion, since that's the topic of this blog

1. That I was raised both Roman Catholic and Latter Day Saint. They may be both Christian churches, but normally both of those sects don't like marriages outside them.

2. That I was baptised into two churches - LDS and Catholic - while attending both.

3. That I was allowed to stop going to church before I was age of majority. Normally Mormon parents, and some Catholic ones, are really strict when it comes to attendance.

4. That, at least when I was older (post-baptism) I was vocal about not having a testimony. Usually people who doubt aren't open about it (It may also be why #3 was an option for me)

5. That I sometimes didn't wear a dress or skirt to the Mormon church, which is looked down upon (Also possibly contributing to why #3 was allowed) While many women wore those clothes to the Catholic church, especially for the Sunday morning service, wearing pants wasn't shunned.

6. That I never "felt the spirit" even though I came from a long line of True Believers. Maybe some of them secretly doubted; As a kid I often thought "do these people really believe this shit?" so maybe some of it subconsciously rubbed off onto me.

7. That I felt pro-choice and pro-queer, before I was even taught anything about those topics (and when I was, it was that abortion and homosexuality was wrong) Coming from a religious household and where my other family members and few close friends were also religious, I don't know where I could have been exposed to such "radical" ideas.

8. That I was allowed to watch rated-R movies from a young age. Catholics tend shun from that sort of entertainment, but Mormons are explicitly told not to seek it out; but then again, violence is okay so long as there's no sex involved.

9. That my first concert attendance was to see the Beach Boys, who apparently have ties with the devil

10. That there was never any green gelatin at any Mormon event I went to. Isn't that stuff supposed to be a staple?

I admit, by the last few, I was fishing for ideas. Despite going to a "peculiar" church and growing up around equally peculiar people, I can't think of many weird things regarding religion. Then again, growing up in and around it may have made me immune to what others - such as my partner, who was raised in a mainly secular family - see as insanity, or at least sheer idiocy.

Porn Preachings

A couple weeks ago was National Porn Day; however this was no pro-porn event, instead being a time to display the sin of non-church sanctioned sex.

I can't help but notice how churches, Mormon and otherwise, focus on males as being the users of pornographic material. There is little said about the females who assist in its production, nor the women who watch porn, despite how it is women who are the predominant object of the males gaze (except for queer men; but they aren't acknowledged, same as women) and that women do use porn (though to a lesser degree then men)

This shirt pretty much sums up Mormons views on sex (or anything)

This site has a host of interesting articles regarding sex and Mormonism. Of course, there is nothing said about porn (focus is generally on single-person "sins" such as masterbation) because who could ever find one, let alone two LDS members, willing to give up their place behind the highest floor behind the pearly gates for a little fun in the sack?

Neoteric Novels

With no internet access currently, I have time to do some reading. I haven't gotten around to these books yet, but they seem really interesting and I've been looking forward to reading them since before they were released.

Leaving Fundamentalism looks at the personal testimonies of ex-True Believers, from a Christian perspective.

God Hates Fags: The Rhetorics of Religious Violence shows how culture allows for change, through the use of negativity which activists counter with positive force.

Christ's Hard Wood...en Cross

Seabound have a track called Exorcise, which has a sample saying "Jesus Christ died with a hard-on" I couldn't find any info on where the sample came from, but a search of the lyrics brought up interesting results.

The band says that "The question... about the meaning of this song and whether it has any religious undertones... has been raised due to the... sample... There is a subtle message involved that in a way altruism often serves very selfish purposes, and that much behavior in line with religious beliefs and charity is also in line with hedonism."

Reminds me of Good Deeds done by Mormons, such as trips to the farm to pick fruit. I've done such deeds, but at that point I wanted to distance myself from the church (as much as possible for a minor) and didn't consider myself religious in the least, so for me it was not a way to win brownie points for The Lord © or to get my Young Women's award, but I'd bet - not only because it's against church rules, but because I do truly, really believe - it was a way for some attendees to get that much closer to the highest level of heaven.

Seabound never meant for religion to be the focal point of the track - though with a sample like that it's hard not to pay attention to it - but instead intended to use it as a metaphore "to reflect very intense and upsetting thoughts and actions" Whether this means the negative emotions attached to religion itself, or hearing something which many would be shocked at, is unansered.

"The song is about a relationship that is on the brink of falling apart. As in most of these cases, one suffers more than the other, because usually one is more dependent on the other than vice versa" I never took this song seriously until I read this, but it shows how religion is alot like an abusive relationship. Members make themselves reliant on popes and prophets, and this is magnified when the relations are between males and females, or queer males who are sometimes seen as effiminate.

There is a phrase which is stated throughout the song, only second to the sample, which lays doubt. The last words uttered are "Without choice but to believe". Mormons would say that one does have a choice, but like just about everything else about their church, that is hard to believe. The lyricist is correct in saying that "it takes radical steps to let go, maybe radically re-interpreting things in order to retain... self-respect, and find a way to carry on with... life without too much suffering."

Men on a Mission

I wonder what the Morgbots think of this.

I also wonder how many men will end up buying this.

Pride and Personalness

Anyone who is or was Mormon knows that you don't talk about LGBT stuff, at least with other True Believing Mormons. When it is spoken about, it's only in the negative, and with non-affirming and clinical terms such as "same-sex attraction". The "H" word, unless you're talking about heterosexuality, is not said. Even heterosexuality isn't spoken of, since it's implicitly (and explicitly, through the churches discriminitory policies) seen as the norm.

My parent who is LDS is no exception to this. They, along with the rest of my Mormon family, don't know about my sexuality (along with most other aspects of my life) Despite considering myself "out" since I was a teen, I never told them. Much like one wouldn't go up to a random person on the street and say "Hi, I'm queer" I didn't see the need to tell them.

The one time I spoke up about LGBT stuff was when I, knowing the answer but asked anyways, if I could go to the Gay Pride parade, which landed on the weekend that I was legally bound to see them for visitation. I forget their exact response; something like “Absolutely NOt, that is completely inmoral, and on a SUNDAY??!” We were on a public street, in line for them to use the bank machine, so I used this opportunity to say quite loudly “Why not, are you homophobic? What do you have against gay people?” In retrospect I should have said "You know I'm not a Mormon, and I'd like to go with the female friend I'm trying to get with" (Sadly she's straight. Like Kinsey 0 straight. So is her equally hot friend.)

I forget exactly what else I said, since this was years ago, but I was trying to shame him. I didn't have that result, since my 'lifestyle' is a 'sin' to be condemned and it was their 'duty' as a parent to shield me from 'it' (if only for two weekends a month)

I tend to feel uncomfortable around any LDS family member since they have an judge me, along with anyone else who is not an active, tithe paying member (When I was a young child I recall many conversations on why so-and-so's something-cousin removed *gasp, shock, horror* left the church.) Either that or they have an ulterior motive. Every time I see them is yet another opportunity for them to “win me back to the flock”, not that I was ever into what was being shoved down my throat in Sunday School and Sacrement anyways.

Yes, I know Pride has been over for a while, but I try to make every day gay; by that I mean happy, but some gay sex is great with me.

Forgiveness of Sexxx

I hope to read this book sometime, but it's not at the public library (not that I'm complaining! (note: I by no means promote banning any books)) The university library, which is among the largest in this continent, doesn't have it either. I obviously would never purchase such a book, unless it was second-hand at some bargain bookstore, so I doubt I'll be able to anytime soon; however this is not necessarily a bad thing.

I'm glad I was out of 'the church' by the time I would have been old enough to be given the book "The Miracle of Forgiveness" Though had I been, I would have had a good laugh over it (though having female anatomy, I'd be unable to make any jokes about *ahem* 'stabbing' people) and on the off-chance it was comprimised of bible paper, a good smoke too... Yes, I have used the bible as rolling papes. I don't recommend it, soley on the basis that it's bad for you (The bible, not the smoke (Even the Word of Wisdom doesn't condemn that))

I know of person who, when in our teens, had to go to church court because she had sex. I don't know exactly what punishment she got, but assume it was a disfellowshipment since she was allowed to become a full member again in a year or so. She was a convert with no other Mormon family, so maybe they went easy on her, seeing as sex outside marriage is considered next to murder to Mormons. At that point I was not active, except for non-overtly religious functions I'd be taken to by my LDS parent (surprisingly, I don't recall much Jello) so I don't know if she ended up returning.

I also don't know what, if anything, happened to the male party. At least from my empirical observations, the males are seen as the instigator (since women can never be vocal, sexual people) but they also are punished less severely, if at all (since 'boys will be boys') It stinks of what Penn and Teller would so eloquently say is bullshit.

Mormons ruin Boyscouts
Uploaded by demonkolob

Happy Pride

A day late is better then never

Sexxx

Growing up Gay, Mormon and Bipolar
Because it's Pride, and since it's a powerful testimony of a queer persons experience, I wanted to highlight this video series (first of six)



It leaves me feeling thankful that I was able to remove myself from the church, even before I turned sixteen. There are some Mormons who are nice, however there are many who use doctrine as a veichle and excuse for hate.


For something more upbeat, check out Mormon Erotica
I'm not sure if it's same person who does the Mormon Erotica blog, but both give an interesting look at the church and its sexuality that it attempts to repress (while creating organs that look much like one)

Mormonism and Marriage

Mormonism "is all-encompassing and it informs every aspect of your life. It's easy. You don't really have to make decisions for yourself. Decisions are made."

Nightline-The Life Of Gay Mormons
Uploaded by samueltheutahnite

One of these decisions, often unspoken and assumed, is that you will marry someone of the opposite gender and have multiple children with them. Personally, this does not sit well.

My primary partner is male, but we aren't married for several reasons, all of which go against Mormon ideologies:

• Anti-Government While the LDS church had conflicts with the government in the past, they are currently opposed to any action against the state and ask for members to follow the 'law of the land'
  
• Pro-Queer Even though gay marriage is legal where we live, it is not the case in many places. In Utah LGBT people cannot marry or adopt and (I cannot find the link, but will post it if I can) can be fired or evicted.
  
• Pro-Woman The LDS church is arguably anti-feminist. There are feminists, albeit not radical or anarchist, however the power structure is patriarchal - there is even a prayer entitled "Patriarchal Blessing"
  

The last two points can be true for the Catholic church as well. I am unsure of the Catholic position on government (but can take a wild guess)

Raving Review

Ex-Mormon, written by C.L. Hanson, is a personable novel in 1st person, with multiple vignettes. Reading like a journal, with a progression from tween-hood, through university and missions, to being a post-Mormon adult and through the experiences of particular family members, and their families and so-on, it is a poignant look at LDS life.

There are many names used throughout the book, making it difficult to tell who's who (much like life in a Mormon community) A list of all the characters and their ties to others is included in the back of the book (which I didn't notice until *after* reading the manuscript). The novel opens with a reference to “green Jell-o”, a stereotypically Mormon delicacy. It continues, from the first page and throughout, to illustrate another facet of LDS culture; children who do not have the means, due to adult intervention, to take part in activities done by others their age – such as flirting with boys – leaving them to playing out these fantasies through Barbie dolls. The consequences for this overt intrusion over every aspect of their childrens' lives has more dire results for one person.

Discerning Doctrine

One character found it “painful to force myself to look away from all of the evidence presented in History class about how the Native Americans had migrated to the New World across the Bering Straits and to convince myself that I 'knew' that the BOM's explanation. was true” (For me it was the opposite) There is a struggle between the secular and what is often seen to be sacred, with young impressionable people being placed in a situation with no clear answers. Upon making a decision, for one character, it means being kicked out of the home.

A character had an annotated version of Alice in Wonderland and upon reading it, was “amazed... that anyone could read it without” as it, like the Book of Mormon, was founded upon historically situated 'insider' information. This character felt shameful for not being able to derive pleasure or glean some sort of understanding from an ancient text. Ex-Mormon contains insight more readily available to an insider (or ex-insider), however due to my limited exposure, especially as I became a youth, there were facets of the text which were beyond my comprehension. Other books referred to, such as Charly, were only recognizable since I had done a random search on Deseret Books in the past. Other Mormonism's are more universal, such as going to University to get your 'Mrs.' degree, class biases and favouritism between members, and reading or doodling in church. Being unsure of ones faith is a common issue which is a major theme in the book.

One character didn't “feel the spirit” when listening to the prophet, nor liked the long, tiresome meetings after more meetings, where people are pressured to give a testimony even if they don't personally believe (Pretty much how I felt in church) She was driven to gain one, however was lead to feel like she had a personal weakness when she did not feel the 'burning in her bosom'. A quote is telling of her state, and strife to better herself; “this level of interest seemed to come so naturally to certain people when no matter how much effort I put into it, I couldn't seem to work up the enthusiasm for this sort of thing... Other people, including almost all of the boys, were dozing or doodling on their programs”

Sex and Sex

Despite their seemingly irreverent behaviour, males are placed on a pedestal. There is a focus on “Boys, boys, boys” in this book, as is the case in Mormon chapels, where women and their wants are deregulated to males' adventures. When imagining her non-Mormon friend as one, she recoiled and “wanted to see her in... her natural habitat, on a hockey rink playing rough and wild against a bunch of boys”. I have little experience playing sports in general, let alone at church - having been to one ward baseball activity and another for bowling (but that's not a real sport) – but most sports, like other activities, are sex segregated. I'd bet money (since I'm not Mormon, I can) you won't see any women at the Wednesday night basketball game. Only in fantasy would males “agree... to do all of the cooking and cleaning”

Female activities are filled with gender stereotyping. A leader in the Young Women's group. She was newly graduated from the program herself after a Happy Mormon Temple Wedding and was meant to act as a positive example for the younger females; however her discussions on doing home-making duties bored the protagonist (much like I remember feeling in church) Female children use dolls to enact the ditching of a friend, complete with pushing one into the 'pool' (Hey, that's not CTR!) Other non-LDS-like female behaviours include the real-life ditching at mall; an incident where chapel-going girls shown to be sneaky and untruthful and where “the non-Mormon attendee “hadn't been any worse then the rest... even though [they] had more truth”

The Molly Mormon types are proven to be lesser than non-Mormons when it comes to true compassion outside the chapel doors. Two sisters fight on Sunday over clothes and the one deemed to have disrupted familial harmony is forced to wear a hideous green dress. A Peter Priesthood man repeatedly cheats on his wife, but a couple who “lived in sin” as unmarried have more fidelity, showing the hypocracy of 'family values'.

Sex rarely discussed, and when so is said in code terms. A partially eaten donut is used to symbolize a female who is not a virgin, essentially stating that nobody would want her. Masturbation is referred to as “this business” or “taking care of this little problem”. Analogies like “petting” are used to disgust youth by conjuring up images “like something you would do with a dog”; essentially a form of emotive control. It is often assumed that the boys are the ones who pressure the girls to have sex, but this is not always the case. Sexual activity occurs within the sacred confines of the church, with an “uplifting experience” at a Youth Conference - among many other things, in many other places - showing how, despite doctrine, members will and do use theirs. I never went to Youth Conference and had 'dated' other people before I was sixteen, being “rebellious and... refus[ing] to go to church things” like many Mormon-raised males, such as Rex, a charismatic character many ex-Mormons (including myself) can relate to.

Church Criticism

The female characters, especially the 'popular' ones who often are children of parents with prominent callings, are not emblematic of church doctrine. They act catty at functions, reminding me of the behaviours of certain people at my public, very non-LDS, school. I found the same was true among some adult members, causing me to further distance myself from the LDS culture, and the same seems to be the case for some characters; one is judged for nothing more then not abiding the Word of Wisdom (ever hear of Free Agency?) to the extent that they feel uncomfortable coming to church.

People without children, or those with “only three” kids, can be seen as outsiders; however having many kids is not a good idea if you cannot take care of them, such as seen with the ward family who comes to church in a 10-person van wearing second-hand clothes or the 7 kid family in Saturday's Warrior (another Mormon-insider thing, that I wouldn't have known about without the Internet) Regarding the group in Saturdays Warrior who seem childfree, a philosophy that counters the LDS notion on what a family should be, one cast member says “the bad guys are good and the good guys are awful”. The 'good guys' include the father of the 7-kid family, who almost disowns the son for going on a road trip to San Francisco; despite the queer overtones of such a vacation, nothing is noted of this. The novel does include a lesbian couple (this part of the queer spectrum is often overlooked in LDS accounts, instead focusing on the male) who have a successful relationship, causing others to question their stereotypes regarding 'good' family.

Readers should take what is occurring in the moment (similar to how LDS strife to be now, to see themselves in the future) as there is much foreshadowing. In the end, many characters, like most readers, decide to leave Mormonism.